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【TOP 50】Henry Youngman Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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Page 1 of 2, Showing 50 of 81 Records
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window! - Henry Youngman Quotes

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

Henry Youngman

 
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! - Henry Youngman Quotes

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Bed Funny
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Holidays

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? - Henry Youngman Quotes

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady,

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

Henry Youngman

 
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. - Henry Youngman Quotes

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Golf

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henry Youngman Quotes

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Army Funny
She has a wash and wear bridal gown. - Henry Youngman Quotes

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henry Youngman Quotes

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman Quotes

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. - Henry Youngman Quotes

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.' - Henry Youngman Quotes

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
The doctor says to the patient,

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"

Henry Youngman

 Clothes
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. - Henry Youngman Quotes

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. - Henry Youngman Quotes

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. - Henry Youngman Quotes

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Men
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous. - Henry Youngman Quotes

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. - Henry Youngman Quotes

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Henry Youngman

 Affection American Comedian Funny
The patient says

The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

Henry Youngman

 
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. - Henry Youngman Quotes

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?

Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!

Henry Youngman

 
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. - Henry Youngman Quotes

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Brother Funny
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. - Henry Youngman Quotes

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Life
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"

Henry Youngman

 Man
Doctor says to a man

Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."

Henry Youngman

 Man
A woman says to a man,

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single…."

Henry Youngman

 Man
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henry Youngman Quotes

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Worth
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out. - Henry Youngman Quotes

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Night
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

Henry Youngman

 Man
I asked a Jewish man

I asked a Jewish man "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said "Yes", and walked away.

Henry Youngman

 Man
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! - Henry Youngman Quotes

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Man
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. - Henry Youngman Quotes

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Henry Youngman

 Woman
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Man
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. - Henry Youngman Quotes

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Personality
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery. - Henry Youngman Quotes

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Talent
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. - Henry Youngman Quotes

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Man
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"

Henry Youngman

 
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering. - Henry Youngman Quotes

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Suffering
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! - Henry Youngman Quotes

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Money
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. - Henry Youngman Quotes

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Service
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. - Henry Youngman Quotes

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready. - Henry Youngman Quotes

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Wit
A man goes to a psychiatrist

A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!"

Henry Youngman

 Man
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Horses
I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back - Henry Youngman Quotes

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back

Henry Youngman

 
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. - Henry Youngman Quotes

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

Henry Youngman

 American Comedian Funny Living
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays. - Henry Youngman Quotes

I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.

Henry Youngman

 Holidays
Page 1 of 2, Showing 50 of 81 Records


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